Shackleton: Reviewing notions of Leadership

Out of the Puking came the Pondering

It was only one day into the expedition, and we were barely on our way to our first destination (Pulau Bawah) and I was already puking off the side of the schooner and feeling miserable. When I look back at that whole day when I quite literally didn't do anything except try to sleep it off, I can still remember the many thoughts that were rushing through my head, and quite interestingly, these unconscious thoughts had a lot to do with my notions of leadership. It's amazing really, how much pondering one can who while puking. 

Because I wasn't feeling too good and had to lie down for most of the day, I didn't participate in any of the activities on board that day, like putting up the sails. I still remember lying on deck and watching all my friends, through half-closed eyes, as they ran up to the bow wrestling with the sails and then back down to the stern helming, jotting in the logbook and navigating with the GPS and compass. And the only thing I was thinking was, "I'm not doing anything at all. Everyone's doing something useful on the schooner and I'm just lying here because I'm puking and it's only the first day". I kept comparing myself to everyone else, and I just couldn't help thinking why I was so easily weakened, when I was supposed to be physically strong, comparing that moment to my other experiences from EXE classes every week to trekking in GPS and OSL, and 90km of kayaking in Seribuat where I was never the first person to fall - so why am I the first one down now? 

To cut my long train of thought short, during that first day, I kept rethinking my capabilities, as an individual as well as a leader, when I saw everyone so strong, active and almost unaffected by sea sickness. 

A couple of starry nights later, I looked back at that experience and I began to review my idea and understanding of leadership. What I realized was that for the longest time, I have always associated being a leader with a very obvious physical presence. I've always known that there are other forms of leadership, like leading from behind, personal leadership and so on. But it was really during the Shackleton expedition that made me realize my strong subconscious belief that the most effective leadership is leading from the front. This expedition, along with my experience in the SOTA Leadership Academy really challenged not just my ideas about leadership but also made me review and start to change the manner in which I lead, be it through my capacity as a LeAd member, an expedition teammate, or just through my capacity as a human being. 

Throughout most of my school life at SOTA, I've realized that I have 2 personalities, so to speak. Many people often notice that I am a different person when I am in a typical everyday setting, like a classroom, and when I am presenting, performing or given some sort of mutually recognised platform and a title that 'allows' me to speak up. I've noticed that I find it very easy to talk and share my opinion when I am given the opportunity or when I have the 'title', so to speak, to do so. (or when i am specifically asked to speak). Speaking out in my capacity as the president of the LeAd for example, is a very different experience for me as compared to speaking out in a typical class setting. 

Part of the reason for this ease is that I am given the ability to prepare what to say and I am also given the space to speak, such that when I do speak, I know that my I will not "say something stupid".
But one of the lessons that expeditions like Shackleton remind me of is that I do not always have obvious control given to me. And this was really one of the major learning points and wake up calls from this expedition; which is that it is up to me to create my own experience, and that I can only learn and lead as much as I allow myself to do. I do not need to wait for anyone to call upon me to speak up. 

These ideas of leadership and initiative are not new to me - and as any other student, anytime I've heard the ideas above, I've always thought, 'of course, that's how it should definitely be'. But I have come to realize that while the saying 'walk the talk' is definitely easy to say, agree to, ponder upon and write reflections about, it was actually not that easy for me. I will have to admit now that, as of the time before the Shackleton expedition, I don't think I had been living up to that saying, and Shackleton really made me realise that there is so much more that I can do, as a person, before a leader. 

From: http://blsciblogs.baruch.cuny.edu/gimmeshelter/2013/02/12/sail-away-from-the-safe-harbor-stream-of-conciseness/